Identify these patterns of thinking that are getting in your way to keep functioning and thriving under any circumstances
Over the last 3 weeks, I have been living under the permanent risk of missile attack here in Israel.
I have to repeat myself, over and over again: we are in the center of Israel, meaning it is a relatively safe space both from the south and north attack point of view. We had only three sirens over the period of 3 times, compared to 4–5 daily alerts in the south. But we also hear fighters probably 3–4 times a day. And we hear a boom-sound missile intercept from adjacent areas. Remember, Israel is pretty compact.
It does not change the fact that I live in a country that is at war.
Despite the fact that the war for us is mostly happening on the YouTube and Telegram channels, it’s still a war that is pretty close. It’s very similar to Covid times. I feel there are a lot of parallels in terms of threats and their reality and in terms of human behavior and how we can continue to live (and thrive) under the current conditions.
I am going to write a number of articles outlining major things that are helpful and not helpful, things that I use every day to stay sane, to stay productive, and to be able to function in this situation.
I think it might be useful not only for those who are living in dangerous places but for everyone. I believe the world is going through a very vulnerable phase, and everyone can suddenly find themselves in an unstable/ crisis zone.
Today, I want to talk about thinking traps.
Thinking Traps
Thinking traps are ways of thinking based on false premises, usually coming from our beliefs, not from real-life data. Thinking traps lead to wrong conclusions, decisions, and actions. Conclusions that only increase our stress, fear, and anxiety. Decisions and actions that keep us stuck.
Clearly, those conclusions, decisions, and actions are counter-productive. And we want to avoid them as much as possible.
Here are three common thinking traps that I’m going to cover:
- Waiting for things to change
- Catastrophizing
- Helplessness and hopelessness
1. Waiting for Things to Go Back to Normal
This one I spotted during COVID-19. People were so eager to believe that this was a blip, a thing that was going to end soon, and (this is the most important part) we would go back to the norm — how we used to function before.
I never believed that.
And the reality showed us that we couldn’t go back to how it was.
We had to create a new norm.
The way we live, the way we work, the way we travel is not the same as before the pandemic.
As a result, people who waited for things to go back to normal, to what it was before, they lost. They were out of jobs, business, or whatever.
Conclusion: whatever’s happening right now is going to change the way you do things. So, the winning strategy is not to wait for things to go back to normal but to start thinking ahead, foresee the change, and adapt to a new reality.
Another point against waiting is that it might take longer than you think. Waiting is good for a week or a month or two. But not for a year or two. Right? Adapting to current circumstances is helping you to live today cause it might actually take months or years to go through a rough patch. And the question is: do you have this year? I know it’s brutal. But it’s a reality. Not all of us have a year or two to live.
Life is fragile and we should honor it.
2. Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing is ruminating — going over and over again, and again, and again — the worst-case scenario. So you take the facts, the data, the news, and in your head, create the worst possible chain of events as if they are doomed to happen. At the same time, you underestimate your ability to cope, survive, and live under such threat.
Take our situation in Israel. In the worst-case scenario, we will have Hezbollah, Lebanon, Iran, Turkey, and maybe all arab countries around us joining Hamas's attack on Israel. It does sound scary. It creates a scenario where it is almost impossible to survive. Such thoughts immediately raise adrenaline and cortisol. And if you keep thinking about these scenarios again and again, you end up with adrenal fatigue and an inability to function state.
As a result of catastrophizing, people are unable to function: they feel the bodily response of accelerated heart rate, sweaty palms, and even panic attacks. Now, the trick is that the threat is not real — it is in our heads, and it has not happened yet. But we feel as if it already happened.
Hence, the solution is to catch such thinking and bring yourself back to what is going on now. To facts, to data, to reality.
The solution is to stay connected to the real situation, to what is happening today, this hour, this minute, and to prevent your mind from going into the unknown future.
Conclusion: use any practices you know to bring yourself back to the present moment, where you’re safe, and you’re still alive. My favorite is Dr. Andrew Huberman's NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest) Practice. But there are plenty of mindful practices to bring you back to your body.
You also have to limit or eliminate the news and channels exploiting this mental trap. Practice digital hygiene to make sure you only listen/watch those who don’t exploit those traps of yours.
3. Helplessness and Hopelessness
This trap makes you believe that whatever is happening is harmful and permanent. You believe it’s going to impact you negatively, and you can’t do anything about it.
It’s kinda of a version of catastrophizing. But the difference is that instead of feeling agitated, you feel depleted and helpless. You just can’t make yourself do anything because there is no point. In this scenario, the future is doomed, and you can’t do anything about it.
The solution is, in my view, sticking to your daily habits and routines. You need a source of energy outside of hopelessness and helplessness. And it can only come from basic things:
- Make your bed
- Clean your kitchen
- Clear out your mailbox
All of those create a feeling of control. The before — the chaos, and the after — the order. This brings your control back. You can influence things, even at a very low level.
I use it every day:
- I make my bed
- I brush my teeth
- I walk my dog
- I edit and publish Better Human articles
- I join our daily stand-up meeting
And so on and so forth.
Work helps a lot here.
These tiny, insignificant daily actions give me my control back. I hold on to them. No matter what. The siren. The attack. The pogroms in Russia. The theoretical threats of Turkey’s Leader — all of them.
Resilience is your skill to thrive from adversity. One of its facets is the ability to identify and avoid thinking traps. I hope you learned some of them today and are now able to identify and neutralize those.
